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And then you just know, its time time to start something new and trust in the magic of beginning’s
The title says it all really, but this is not a “New Year, New Me” declaration. (I’m rubbish at New Years resolutions, they end by the 9th Jan with me). This is a pretty personal post, (unusually, it dosent include shopping, cocktails or food) but one I feel I need to write, maybe cathartic for me? Let me explain.
Last year I was forced to make some incredibly emotional and tough decisions. Decisions about my job and friendships. The friendship one is for another time, lets talk work.
Iv always been a very driven and focused person. Id spent the last twelve years building a successful business from nothing, and I was so proud of how far it had come. (I had a skincare and beauty therapy clinic) My very essence went into building the business, my heart and soul.
But, it came at a cost. Without me really noticing, my health had began to suffer. Id put on weight where I was eating at ridiculous times of night, (and the wrong things), Id gone from a person that was never unwell, to picking up every bug and cold. I felt permanently exhausted, full of guilt as I was rarely home, and my confidence had plummeted as I hated the weight Id put on. Id had shingles three times last year, yet never had a single day off sick to let myself recover. I was not being kind to myself at all! I had a business that depended on me working 60 plus hours a week, so was stuck on the ever spinning roundabout.
It all came to a head towards the middle part of last year. I found myself permanently anxious, unable to sleep more than about 4 hours per night, tearful and unable to mentally focus on any one task. It was as if my brain was an internet browser, with 5000 tabs open! I was truly, totally exhausted mentally and physically. Nothing left in the tank.
Realisation slowly dawned on me. I knew change had to happen. After months of working through all the options available to me in my mind, and countless discussions with my ever patient and supportive husband, we decided enough was enough. I was closing the business. Walking away. Regaining control of my life. So, the 28th of this month will see me close the door on my business for the last time. Its been like a bereavement. I have honestly grieved and cried like I would for the loss of someone I loved. My business wasn’t just a job, it was my passion, my heart and my soul. I believed in what I did, I loved what I did, but I needed to get my life back. We are all here such a short time, life needs to be lived, not just observed from a workplace.
Now the grief part of the process is over, Im looking forward not back. Im planning. Im excited by the future life I can now enjoy. Im excited about being home more. Im excited about being with my gorgeous little family more. I will always work, its in my DNA, but Im now just working two and a half days a week from home. Im excited about being able to write my blog like I always intended to now I will have time. Im excited about the social life I will be able to enjoy. Im excited about traveling more. Im just blooming excited! Im happy. Im truly blessed that I have such an amazing husband that has supported me in my decision. He may regret that as I will be around so much more!
2017 will be amazing. Peace of mind and health are the most important things, and Im claiming mine back! Bring. It. On
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