This post may be a little rambling and come across as me thinking out loud, and I suppose it is haha! Its what Im calling a “cuppa and a chat” post, (these will feature regularly) because thats how Im thinking of it. Just me, and you, sitting with a cuppa, chatting about curious things…….
If you have been visiting me here for a while, you will probably have come to realise that I am a true believer in that life is on the most part, a beautiful thing, so this is not a negative post. I feel that we should always try to live life and not just observe it, and that if something is meant for us, it wont miss us. Fate, positivity and being present are my daily mantras. You can read more on my whole “thing” about all that in this post, Ten things Iv learnt on my 44th birthday
Another thing that would not have passed you by if you have been here a while, is that this year, so far, has not quite gone the way I planned it. I know brighter days are coming, so I remain positive, but it has been tough. I try very hard not to dwell on things, or let things get me too low, and quite often things have happened that we tell no one about. Not even friends. Not because of any big secrets, but because we don’t want to make people sad or uncomfortable. Many of our friends don’t even know what we are going through with my husbands illness. Obviously close friends do, as its nice to be able to chat if we want to. Everyone needs that.
When things happen, it makes you reflective, and more observant to the world around you. Things people say, their actions, all seem to speak a little louder when times are tough. Does anyone else find that? What I have also found though is that some of the things people say feel a little insincere, and if there is one character trait Im not a fan of, its insincerity. I am a true believer in if you don’t feel something, or mean something, then don’t say it. Simple as that.
Take for example a thread on social media. There will be an opinion on perhaps, something in the news, that gains ground and becomes a popular opinion. All of a sudden, you have everyone jumping on that popular opinion bandwagon. It then deflects from the matter, as people then make it about them. An example of this is one of the recent natural disasters. It was awful, people were scared for their life. You then have people tweeting things like, “Oh its so awful, I cant believe I was there xyz years ago #feelinglucky” They want to jump on the popular opinion, but they have also made it about them. You see?
Well, when you have something awful going on in your own life, its amazing how many of the people you know also, maybe unintentionally, do this. Its not them being nasty or thoughtless, they just have that tendency to want to make it about them. They are not bad people, just maybe a little narcissistic?? Again, an example of this was when I was recounting the emotional story of my husband becoming critically ill in the hospital to someone, and them saying, “Oh thats so awful, I know how he must feel as I have been laid up for a week with an awful cold”. (Im not dismissing how rough they feel with a cold by the way) They just cannot resist making it about them. Its actually really interesting. I love the minds of people, how they tick. Its got me kinda curious!
Friends and family do their best to rally round when life gives you a rough patch, and I am lucky in that I have some of the best! I feel blessed. I have however, also noticed the people that are what I am affectionately now calling, a Trophy Friend. Again, these are not bad people, but they appear a little insincere and most of what they do is to cast them in a good light. Its a gentle showcasing to others that they are, of course, a great friend. These are the people that tell your other friend how worried they are about you, (but haven’t called you) when you write something on your social media about your situation, they write that they are always thinking of you, (yet never message), they express to people how they cant stop thinking about “poor Nik”, (yet have never text him). They hear that another friend has dropped in a card/sent flowers, so run and pop their own card through the letter box, (but don’t knock at your door) All of these things are public, and expressed for others to see, yet never said/expressed to you. Its a show. Does that make sense? Im not sure why they do it and its interesting. Is it to make themselves feel better? To try to get affirmation that they are nice people? To jump on the bandwagon? Or, is it simply a time thing, in that they forget to call, text, message? Its a strange thing isn’t it?
I suppose the point of this post is to say that we should all try really hard to not be a Trophy Friend. If your friends/family are having a hard time, show them you care. As I say, Trophy Friends are not bad people, not at all, we are all different and deal with situations differently. Its certainly raised my awareness to it. We should be the friend that does message. That is genuinely concerned. That shows they are thinking of you. And, quite frankly, if you don’t genuinely feel those things, then don’t say it. Insincere comments can make a person feel worse, like your humouring them when they are having a tough time. Trust me, people see through insincerity, I can promise you that.
Id love to hear your thoughts on this. Have you experienced similar? Do you have Trophy Friends? Have you been one in the past? Lets discuss it, the kettle is on after all……….