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This post is a little bit of introspectiveness. Its about being honest with yourself, and as the title says, sometimes owning your own shiz!
Iv mentioned before that I am a big believer in getting down and dirty with your soul. Its about understanding what makes you tick and being self aware. Soul work is murky, it can be painful, but I think that it has to be done in order to grow. Life often gives you the lessons and teachings you need to develop your soul, and maaannnnn have I had some lessons, but I feel one of the biggest ways to become a nicer person, is to unravel yourself. Take a good long look in the mirror and accept and acknowledge yourself, warts and all
The inspiration behind this post was feelings that I had the other day, that I didn’t like, was surprised to feel and had to take a moment to understand why. Anyone that has been around for a while knows that on the most part, I try to be a positive person. I try to always be kind, and try hard to always support others.
However, the other day I felt less than positive towards someone, and found myself having a fleeting, negative reaction to them. I felt annoyed at the way they chose to conduct themselves, when, lets face it, Im not their Mother, its none of my bloody business. Now, thats not usually me and I have spent a long time as Iv gotten older, trying to work on the ethos that we are all different, live and let live etc, and these thoughts were at odds and a regression in my headway with that ethos. Why??
I was annoyed at myself, feeling like I had stepped back mentally 20 years, and wanted to work out why I had that reaction. I felt mean, judgemental and unkind. I was beating myself up a bit over it, feeling disappointed.
Then it occurred to me. The very fact that I was asking why I had that reaction was good enough. The fact that I was disappointed in myself with that reaction meant I was doing ok. I hadn’t suddenly become a mean, intolerant person, it just meant that I wasn’t perfect and am going to have gut reactions sometimes. It showed that I am still pushing forward and growing as a person, Im going to have less than kind thoughts sometimes, but that I recognise them and will make moves to question why. I also worked out that whenever I have these negative reactions to someone, its about ME not them. (Remember my post Your just not always someones cup of tea? We spoke about this in that one)
Sitting and questioning why I felt annoyed that this person Instagram Storied their every move, when lets face it, its really not a big deal, was because of the way I was feeling. I was having a day of feeling frustrated and scared about the situation my family is currently in and the way life has changed. I was feeling anxious. I was frustrated that we can only make very short term plans at the moment. I was basically just having a shitty, down in the dumps, pity party for one day that made me not want to see people rambling on and on about “trivial shit” (that was my feeling at that moment, I know it wasn’t trivial shit to them) so it wasn’t anything to do with them. (I know now if Im feeling less than chipper, don’t go on and watch Instagram Stories haha)
What I suppose Im trying to say here, in my usual rambling way, is when you have a negative reaction to a person/situation, try to ask yourself the million dollar question, Why. Why are you feeling unkind towards that person. Why are you having that thought. I think that if you ask yourself that one simple word, unravel your soul a little, you will understand your self a bit more. You will grow as a person. Its definitely making me a better person.
Its ok to not be perfect, its ok to not be a saint. I have, like we have all had, times in my past when I have probably not been the nicest I could be. But, as long as you try to delve a little deeper to understand what triggers that negative reaction, you are owning your shit, you are doing soul work. Your trying to find a kinder way. Thats all any of us can do really isn’t it!
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