Sorry, but YOU are the problem – and the solution…

Sorry, but YOU are the problem – and the solution…

I thought I would kick 2018 off with a discussion post, you know I love a chat. You know the drill, grab a cuppa.

This post, another in the cuppa and a chat series, was inspired by a line in one of my favourite films. The film Bridesmaids ticks all the boxes for me, (and who hasn’t laughed to almost the point of a little bit of wee coming out over the “trying on the dresses” scene)???

Anyway, I watched it for the zillionth time over Christmas. There is a line in the film where the “bridesmaid” is having a pity party for one because she feels her life is spiralling. She has joined the gang of ‘the great unwashed” and is spending her days eating chocolate on the sofa. We have all been there. Another of the bridesmaids comes in to give her some tough love. (its a funny scene) and one of the lines she says to her is;

“You are the problem Annie. You are the problem. And you are also the solution”.

This really resonated with me. It stayed with me the whole night, and all the next day. The reason it has stayed with me, is lets face it, its bloody true! We are so often our own problem and solution don’t you think?

Im not talking about things like losing a loved one or something else of an incredibly serious nature by the way. Im talking the more superficial/controllable things. Im going to use me as the example here. I am on the whole, pretty positive. One area where I fall short in the positive stakes is when it comes to me, myself and I. I am my own worst critic, my own worst enemy. I self sabotage myself on a regular basis.

An example of this is how self conscious I am now I have gained weight over the last few years. (this is just an example im giving here, this post isn’t about my cake addiction) Don’t misunderstand me, I love when people embrace and rejoice in their curves, hats off to them,  if they are happy, then bloody good luck to them, but as someone that is pretty small in height and frame and has a chronic back problem, extra weight on me changes my whole appearance, and dosent suit me. It makes me unhappy. It has meant I have had to change how I dress, which has changed my style, so I don’t even feel I look like me anymore.

My extra weight has affected me in so many ways. It makes me feel like Im invisible sometimes. It makes me feel like I am being judged sometimes. I feel like people make assumptions about me based on how I look, rater than my soul, my character. It can make me guarded and shy with people, which can come across as stand offish. It really has changed and affected so much.

 

But, do I do something about it? Nope. I carry on eating the things I know go straight to my hips. I have the desert at the restaurant. I say yes to the third glass of creamy Baileys, I don’t exercise enough. I am my own problem, but also my solution. Does that make sense?

We seem to make life hard for ourselves, but then complain about it. Im not saying for one minute its easy to stop doing it, but I think recognising and understanding that we can cause our own problems, definitely helps lead us to knowing how we can be our solution don’t you?

So, what about you? What do you think? Do you agree that we can almost always be our own solution? Think of the things that frustrate or challenge you in your own lives. Are you the cause of them? Is the solution to them in your own hands?

Somethings, obviously we have no control over things. Becoming unwell, losing a job, are just a couple of the things that I can think of. We are (hopefully) not the cause of them, but our mindset on how we deal with it, the reaction we have to it, we are in control of. A shift in our mental approach can be some progress to a solution. Do you agree?

So, in my case, I am the problem that I can feel unhappy with my appearance, but I am also very much the solution. No one can do it for me. No one can change my mindset but me. I have the power and the ability to change this thing that makes me unhappy.

Id love to hear your thoughts on this. What do you think? Why do you think we sometimes self-sabotage? Do we all need a bit of tough love sometimes? As is the usual in this series of posts, grab your cuppa, lets chat.

 

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31 Comments

  1. Jean
    January 4, 2018 / 9:17 am

    Great post Kerry. My thoughts on this subject are, if you can identify that you are both the problem and solution, you are half way there. Too many of us think it’s someone or something else causing the problem and so get nowhere with finding the answer to solving it. I am going to give this thought process a try and see If I can find answers to some of my “issues”. Another positive attitude for 2018, great

    • kerrylifeandloves
      Author
      January 4, 2018 / 12:08 pm

      Thats a good way to look at it Jean, you are making progress if you can identify this cant you. Im glad that this post have provoked thought in you, thats what its all about. Thank you for reading xxx

  2. January 4, 2018 / 9:50 am

    Hey Kerry,

    I loved reading this because this is exactly how I felt at the beginning of last year. I had put on quite a bit of weight, I didn’t feel like me, I felt like I was wearing a fat suit because I had always been athletic before. I let it effect my mood and and started saying no to going on nights out because I didn’t like the way I looked and I just wasn’t… me. That gave me the excuse to eat even more rubbish, I realized I had a binge eating problem. I actually can’t believe I was like that now looking back because that’s just not me! I had to realize that no one was forcing me to eat this stuff, I was in control of it. If I no longer wanted to feel this way then I was the ONLY one who could sort it out.

    Firstly I had to make some changes, quit my old depressing gym and join a new, more motivational gym with more positive surroundings. I Surround myself with positive people I could bounce off. I started looking at food for what it’s supposed to be, fuel to nourish my body rather than a comforter. I still indulge in the odd glass of red or cake but I don’t do it every day. The weirdest thing is, I no longer get the urge to want to eat that kind of food anymore because I feel so good off the healthy stuff. It is most definitely a mindset you need to ease yourself into. When I was at a low point NO ONE on this planet could talk me into choosing healthy options over melted cheese goodness. I had to kick my own ass, I failed more times than I can count but It’s finally clicked, I can’t believe it has to be honest 😀

    So at first I really didn’t want to stop eating all of the sugary stuff, My desire to feel strong, healthy and toned eventually outweighed that though. I got to the point where I didn’t just want it, I NEEDED it! People always say you should love yourself the way you are, well I didn’t before. I love feeling healthy inside, sleeping better, having better concentration. So yes, I 100% believe that we must find the solution to our own problems. If you really want something, you will make the change and make it happen.

    Clare xx

    • kerrylifeandloves
      Author
      January 4, 2018 / 12:22 pm

      Clare thank you so much for such a detailed reply! This was so amazing to read. Firstly, massive well done to you for making the changes, I totally agree with everything you have said. I think just the fact that you knew it had to start with you, was the key to your success. Its having that courage and self awareness to actually say, “right, I need to change this because of blah blah” Its the start of the solution. I love how you worked out a way forward in stages, changing bits at a time. I have so much admiration for you. Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to leave such a fab, positive reply. Its a great story. I love this!

      • January 4, 2018 / 12:51 pm

        Aww Thanks Kerry! 🙂 xxxx

  3. January 4, 2018 / 10:38 am

    I completely agree, Kerry. In fact, I would go as far as to say that it is only ourselves who have the solutions! We know ourselves inside out and deep down we know what steps we need to take to solve our problems x

    • kerrylifeandloves
      Author
      January 4, 2018 / 12:16 pm

      Im so glad you agree. We have to have the self awareness to change things that make us unhappy dont we. Thank you so much for reading xx

  4. January 4, 2018 / 12:41 pm

    I loooved this post, and Melissa McCarthy had a great line in that film. This is something I’ve been thinking about recently too, coincidentally about my weight! And other things… I think you’re already doing so well to admit that you are the problem and you also have the power to be the solution, and all you have to do after that is to allow yourself to solve it. It’s a tough one, can turn into a vicious cycle if we’re not careful. I believe that attitude is everything, and that shift in mindset won’t happen no matter how much advice people give us – it has to be a self-driven change in our own gears because we want it to happen regardless of what anyone thinks. Once that shift happens though, you’ll be unstoppable! xxx

    • kerrylifeandloves
      Author
      January 4, 2018 / 12:58 pm

      Ohh it was such a good scene wasnt it. To be fair, the whole film rocks my world. I am so good usually at changing things in my life that have made me unhappy or stole my joy. My job, toxic friendships, learning new things. I just have a stumbling block with this, but I know I am the solution. Im wondering if I need to make a plan, and change things one week at a time. the solution is within my reach, I just gotta figure it out! Thanks for reading my lovely, I wish you well with your problem solving too! xxx

  5. January 4, 2018 / 7:43 pm

    So I totally agree with everything you say here. Like you said, there are obviously some things that are out of our control but I think it’s 100 times easier to blame outside factors rather than yourself. I read an article once about this and it was basically about how with others it’s easier to say that they’re the ones that need to change but with yourself it’s always something out of your control. So for example with weight – it’s easy to look at others and say “well if only they ate better” or “if only they exercised more” but with yourself its “the gym costs so much” or “it’s just easier to get fast food”. It takes a mature person to realize that they are the only ones stopping themselves.

    Also, just wanted to let you know that I nominated you for the Brotherhood of the World blogger award. You can find out more information here: https://simplylovely90.com/brotherhood-world-blogger-award-2018/ 🙂

    A- simplylovely90.com

    p.s. “who’s driving that car?” is one of my favorite lines of the movie!

    • kerrylifeandloves
      Author
      January 4, 2018 / 9:34 pm

      Oh thank you for the nomination! Thats so kind x. I think thats a great point you make, we put obstacles and excusus in our way to justify why we dont change. I wonder why we do that? Fear? Lethargy? Hmmm, its food for thought isnt it. Thanks for adding that to the mix xx Ohhh I love so many lines from the film. One of my favourites is “Its coming out of me like Larva” so blooming funny. Thanks for reading and chatting with me xx

  6. Janis
    January 4, 2018 / 7:49 pm

    A thoughtful post to kick-start 2018. I totally agree with you and share the sentiment made in the comments by other readers. x

    • kerrylifeandloves
      Author
      January 4, 2018 / 9:37 pm

      Thank you so much for reading Janis. The happiest of New Years to you xxxxx

  7. January 5, 2018 / 9:10 am

    I hear You! Oh and I hear myself too. Oh if there was an easy solution ie not re-doing and re-hashing the path we over-tread. It is a life-style choice and we somehow miss the path. Sometimes we get extreme (been there) and can’t handle even a bit of the wrong lifestyle or we somehow hear the calling of the body or head or whatever and go for whatever is around. Yes – the chocolate fudge – yep I’ll have some – oh 3 pieces is enough (I think). But I must say I have been finding a solution in increasing so called “good” and not over-partying with the so-called “bad”. Makes me feel better too! Thanks for the post enjoyed it 🙂

    • kerrylifeandloves
      Author
      January 6, 2018 / 11:02 am

      Deborah, thank you so much for reading and adding your thoughts. I love that, “we sometimes miss the path” That is such a true statement. I think we all perhaps have an Achilles heel? I managed to change so many things that have stole my joy over the last few years, just this one to combat! Thank you for popping over xxx

  8. January 5, 2018 / 10:13 am

    Really enjoyed this post Kerry. I have always believed this too, but your post brought it back to light for me! My husband suffers from anxiety (I do too, I’m better at controlling it) and he ginds it hard to take control of situations that are getting him down! If there is an issue in your life, get it changed! Inspiring post babe! Xxx

    • kerrylifeandloves
      Author
      January 6, 2018 / 11:04 am

      Ahhh thank you so much Amanda, glad you enjoyed it. It is taking control isnt it, thats the key, rather than it/the situation controlling us. Thank you for your comment my lovely xxx

  9. January 5, 2018 / 11:48 am

    Loved reading this!!! We should all take a long hard look at ourselves, pinch ourselves and say ‘just do it’!!! Great post, eye-opening…

    • kerrylifeandloves
      Author
      January 6, 2018 / 11:05 am

      Thank you so much for reading Kathleen. That should be our mantra shouldnt it, “Just do it” Its all about taking back control of a situation. x

  10. sgmart187
    January 5, 2018 / 1:17 pm

    I agree with you, we’re all our own worst critics and we can actually put ourselves in a holding pattern due to pity parties and trying to blame other things.
    Great thoughts!

    • kerrylifeandloves
      Author
      January 6, 2018 / 11:13 am

      Thank you so much for stopping by. Im glad you enjoyed. Im vowing to be kinder to myself this year, stop being that harsh critic! x

  11. January 5, 2018 / 4:30 pm

    Another great cuppa and a chat. I love these posts from you!
    I couldn’t agree more, we are definitely our problem sometimes. I must say it does frustrate me sometimes when people are saying things about their lives or themselves that they do have the power to change. But then again we have to remember that everyone has other things going on on the inside, the bits of their life we don’t see. Their self worth and self esteem can affect their motivation to change.

    • kerrylifeandloves
      Author
      January 6, 2018 / 11:15 am

      Ahh thank you Gemma, Im so glad you enjoy. I think perhaps everyone has a stumbling block with something, they have to work out how they are the solution just a little bit harder. I think you are right, self esteem and self worth can have a huge affect on motivation, totally agree with you. Thanks for adding your thoughts xxx

  12. onegreymonday onegreymonday
    January 5, 2018 / 9:24 pm

    Hi Kerry, This is such a thought provoking post, it’s taken me ages to write my comment.
    I agree with everything you’ve said. It’s very easy to say ‘I need to do something about myself’ but the reality is it’s blinking hard, and sometimes life simply gets in the way.
    But, sometimes, it does just take a shift in mood, a new year, a new week or even a new day. I believe you can do anything you set your mind to. And for the short time that I’ve ‘known’ you, I believe with your personality and way with words, you’re anything but invisible! X

    • kerrylifeandloves
      Author
      January 6, 2018 / 11:18 am

      Ohhh thank you so much, wow, thats such a lovely thing to say xx. I think a change in mood is definitely the key, and also looking at other solutions. I always think diets, but I think the way forward for me is to think of giving my body healthy food. It puts less pressure on. Thank you so much for reading and adding your thoughts xxx

    • kerrylifeandloves
      Author
      January 10, 2018 / 7:51 pm

      Ohhh thank you so much Kathleen, thats so lovely of you to say xxx. I will pop over and have a look, if its easy to do, then Im in! (anything too technical baffles me haha) Thank you xxx

    • kerrylifeandloves
      Author
      January 14, 2018 / 3:02 pm

      Thank you so much! Thats very kind, I will have a look xx

  13. January 22, 2018 / 4:33 pm

    I love this Kerry. The more I read of you, the more I love you. You’re so so relatable. My thoughts, it’s is so difficult to sometimes overlook the more pessimistic things in life, I struggled with this for a long time, with many different things in life. Until, I had my own awakening. I realised that we are our own worst enemy and also our no.1 fan. No one else can love you like the love you can have for yourself once you see it, and yes sometimes tough love is the answer. Be tough on yourself and support others to be the best they can be in themselves. I think you are beautiful inside and out, I hope you see this too.

    Much love.
    Sasha

    • kerrylifeandloves
      Author
      January 22, 2018 / 10:42 pm

      Ohhhh what a lovely comment to read. Thank you so much! You have made my night. More so because you have the realisation that no one knows us better than us eh! I think I have come to realise that its working out why we put barriers in our own way that leads us to our solutions. I am so happy that you enjoyed the post, and I appreciate your wonderful compliment, thank you so much for stopping by xxx

I love reading your comments x

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