I thought I would kick 2018 off with a discussion post, you know I love a chat. You know the drill, grab a cuppa.
This post, another in the cuppa and a chat series, was inspired by a line in one of my favourite films. The film Bridesmaids ticks all the boxes for me, (and who hasn’t laughed to almost the point of a little bit of wee coming out over the “trying on the dresses” scene)???
Anyway, I watched it for the zillionth time over Christmas. There is a line in the film where the “bridesmaid” is having a pity party for one because she feels her life is spiralling. She has joined the gang of ‘the great unwashed” and is spending her days eating chocolate on the sofa. We have all been there. Another of the bridesmaids comes in to give her some tough love. (its a funny scene) and one of the lines she says to her is;
“You are the problem Annie. You are the problem. And you are also the solution”.
This really resonated with me. It stayed with me the whole night, and all the next day. The reason it has stayed with me, is lets face it, its bloody true! We are so often our own problem and solution don’t you think?
Im not talking about things like losing a loved one or something else of an incredibly serious nature by the way. Im talking the more superficial/controllable things. Im going to use me as the example here. I am on the whole, pretty positive. One area where I fall short in the positive stakes is when it comes to me, myself and I. I am my own worst critic, my own worst enemy. I self sabotage myself on a regular basis.
An example of this is how self conscious I am now I have gained weight over the last few years. (this is just an example im giving here, this post isn’t about my cake addiction) Don’t misunderstand me, I love when people embrace and rejoice in their curves, hats off to them, if they are happy, then bloody good luck to them, but as someone that is pretty small in height and frame and has a chronic back problem, extra weight on me changes my whole appearance, and dosent suit me. It makes me unhappy. It has meant I have had to change how I dress, which has changed my style, so I don’t even feel I look like me anymore.
My extra weight has affected me in so many ways. It makes me feel like Im invisible sometimes. It makes me feel like I am being judged sometimes. I feel like people make assumptions about me based on how I look, rater than my soul, my character. It can make me guarded and shy with people, which can come across as stand offish. It really has changed and affected so much.
But, do I do something about it? Nope. I carry on eating the things I know go straight to my hips. I have the desert at the restaurant. I say yes to the third glass of creamy Baileys, I don’t exercise enough. I am my own problem, but also my solution. Does that make sense?
We seem to make life hard for ourselves, but then complain about it. Im not saying for one minute its easy to stop doing it, but I think recognising and understanding that we can cause our own problems, definitely helps lead us to knowing how we can be our solution don’t you?
So, what about you? What do you think? Do you agree that we can almost always be our own solution? Think of the things that frustrate or challenge you in your own lives. Are you the cause of them? Is the solution to them in your own hands?
Somethings, obviously we have no control over things. Becoming unwell, losing a job, are just a couple of the things that I can think of. We are (hopefully) not the cause of them, but our mindset on how we deal with it, the reaction we have to it, we are in control of. A shift in our mental approach can be some progress to a solution. Do you agree?
So, in my case, I am the problem that I can feel unhappy with my appearance, but I am also very much the solution. No one can do it for me. No one can change my mindset but me. I have the power and the ability to change this thing that makes me unhappy.
Id love to hear your thoughts on this. What do you think? Why do you think we sometimes self-sabotage? Do we all need a bit of tough love sometimes? As is the usual in this series of posts, grab your cuppa, lets chat.