I love that saying. “Its not really my cup of tea”. (Its so British, we do love our tea)! I came across a little monologue a couple of years ago, and I’d saved it in a folder on my computer called “words I love”. It is about how we are not everyones cup of tea. I was looking through the folder the other day and came across it. It got me kinda thinking… It really fits in the “Blogosphere” as much as it fits into life in general. When we write a blog, we all want people to read our words, interact with us, love our Instagram grids, like our tweets and generally enjoy our work. In life, we want people to like us and think we are good people. But, sometimes, they just kinda don’t and thats ok! Let me explain.
It’s cuppa and a chat time, grab a brew, the second instalment is up……
It is ok if your not everyones cup of tea!
Lets first start with the words that inspired this post;
Now, I have said this before, but one of the things that most shocked me when I started blogging, was peoples obsession with followers and likes. I never understood the significance or reasons for this and any other form of number chasing. I found it strange and a little baffling! I was the new kid on the block, so just didn’t understand the relevance. As my experience with blogging (and more so social media) grew, I understood a little more that the people that most obsessed about it, were largely, people that wanted to be noticed by brands. Or those that were hoping to make blogging their full time job. But you also had the people that sought approval, and needed that outside validation. That is one of the down sides to social media. It facilitates that need!
So, once I realised these things, I began to understand their drive a little better. Admittedly, I will NEVER understand the need to be validated by others, as some so obviously need, but thats because I have done a lot of soul work with myself in my 20’s and 30’s (remember Im old) to accept the above little monologue, that sometimes, your just not someones cup of tea.
Why you may not be everyones cup of tea
There are so many reasons that you may not be someones cup of tea. The truth of it is that probably, most of them are nothing to do with you! A few of the reasons could be;
You just don’t connect – Think of your own social media activity. You probably follow hundreds more accounts than you interact with yes? Now for me personally, some of the accounts that I follow, but have no real interest or interaction with, are accounts that followed me in the early days, and I thought the done thing was you followed back. (I am too polite to now unfollow them, I feel bad, so I just scroll past) I don’t do that now, I only follow back accounts I have a genuine interest in. It serves no one positively (other than to add a vanity metric) if I follow for the sake of it. I have written about falling into the vanity metrics trap here. It’s not that they write rubbish or anything, it’s just that I don’t connect with them. Not their fault. You see?
They are not into your Niche – More for my fellow bloggers this one. Again, it’s nothing to do with you, its just they are not really into make up/travel/parenting/fashion/cooking, or whatever it is you write about. They have no genuine interest in what you write, so again, not a problem as you only want an engaged, interested audience surely?
They see you as a threat in some way – This one probably saddens me the most, and Im sure you can see, this reason is definitely not about you, its about them and their insecurities. I’m confident most of us have encountered when we were young/school age, that look up and down from someone when we encounter them for the first time. Or that feeling that someone dislikes you when they first meet you. You have only just met so they cant have formed an opinion of you, yet their whole body language and manner is negative.
That is 100% about them, and you should kill these people with kindness. Trust me, its these people that are usually hurting inside the most, so need our love and kindness the most. Throw a big smile at them, try to get them to engage with you, show genuine (don’t be insincere, thats just patronising) interest in them etc. Again, even on social media or on your blogs, we all have those people that you KNOW read your stuff or see your photos, but never comment, interact or like anything. They just cant find it in themselves to support you.
It’s the perceived threat that they dislike, not you personally. In some ways, you must be doing something fabulously right if this is the reaction you get, so keep going! When I first opened my spa 6 years ago, a dear friend sent me this quote, and I use it to remind myself to NEVER be one of those people. I will always try to support something I think is good, or compliment someone I think looks nice etc. I like to see people achieve, and if they have worked hard, they deserve it!
Some People don’t want more Friends – This one is a strange one for me, but I know it to be true as otherwise, there would be no such thing as cliques. With these cliques, they often don’t really welcome new comers, because they are in their comfort zone in their clique. We all saw it at school/college, maybe in the workplace, maybe even again, on social media. I even wrote a post about the whole Girl Gang thing! Their coldness towards you is not about you, its about them not wanting what they see as their comfort blanket disrupted. They like how things are, they don’t like change, they don’t want anyone potentially “taking their friends from them” Its their insecurities acting, not their opinion or impression of you.
Some people are just shy – Ironically, shy people are often the people that would love to get to know more people the most. However, they can come across stand offish, even rude. The way they act can make you feel that they are really not interested in you. It can make you feel that they do not think you are their cup of tea. But that is often furthest from the truth! The fear they have, or the shyness they feel, puts a barrier up that can be read the wrong way. This is a gazillion percent not about you. Again, opinions can be formed and impressions given that are so opposite to the actual truth! I wonder how many friendships have been missed out on because of these false reads!
So, your not everyones cup of tea, but it really is ok!
Soul work is a journey, and can be unforgiving
So let’s try to summarise this random and rambling post, (my brain just doing its usual musings as ever). I could probably go on and on about all the different reasons that you are not everyones cup of tea, (and why thats ok). But, I think by now I have made the point I was hoping to make? You are not going to get on with everyone, thats just life, just wish them well and move on. However, you can control how you react. That shitty feeling you feel when you feel like someone has dismissed you, doesn’t like you, doesn’t support you? Well that is yours to own. If it makes you feel inferior or not good enough, you need to change your headspace. You need to figure out why someone else’s opinion of you matters so much. Remember. It is not about you. You don’t need to, nor should you, feel bad.
If you do find that you get these feelings of doubt, then the best advice I can give you, (and that I give my sons) is work on you. Work on understanding your worth so someone cant make you feel inferior. Take that power away from them. Work on knowing that you are unique, and fabulous, and definitely good enough. Work on being the person that makes others feel good and leaves them better than you found them. Be the person that is kind. Soul work is a journey, and can be unforgiving when working out why other peoples opinion of you matter to you, but I promise you the final destination, when you have it sussed, is a beauty!
What are your thoughts on this? Do you agree? Disagree? Let’s chat, as ever, the kettle is on!
Some great book on helping you through any feelings of low self worth are;
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