Your Just Not Everyones Cup of Tea – (and thats ok)

Your Just Not Everyones Cup of Tea – (and thats ok)

Its cuppa and a chat time, grab a brew, the second instalment is up……

I love that saying. “Its not really my cup of tea”. (Its so British, we do love our tea)! I came across a little monologue a couple of years ago, and I’d saved it in a folder on my computer called “words I love”. I was looking through the folder the other day and came across it, and it got me kinda thinking… It really fits in the “Blogosphere” as much as it fits into life in general. When we write a blog, we all want people to read our words, interact with us, love our Instagram grids, like our tweets and generally enjoy our work. In life, we want people to like us and think we are good people. But, sometimes, they just kinda don’t and thats ok! Let me explain.

Lets first start with the words that inspired this post;

Now, I have said this before, but one of the things that most shocked me when I started blogging, was peoples obsession with followers and likes and any other form of number chasing. I found it so strange! As my experience with blogging (and more so social media) grew, I understood a little more that the people that most obsessed about it, were people that wanted to be noticed by brands etc, sought approval, or wanted to try to make blogging their full time job. So I began to understand their drive a little better. Admittedly, I will NEVER understand the need to be validated by others, as some so obviously need, but thats because I have done a lot of soul work with myself in my 20’s and 30’s (remember Im old) to accept the above little monologue, sometimes, your just not going to be someones cup of tea.

There are so many reasons for this, and probably most of them are nothing to do with you! A few of the reasons could be;

You just don’t connect – Think of your own social media activity. You probably follow hundreds more accounts than you interact with yes? Now for me personally, some of the accounts that I follow, but have no real interest or interaction with, are accounts that followed me in the early days, and I thought the done thing was you followed back. (I am too polite to now unfollow them, I feel bad, so I just scroll past)  I don’t do that now, I only follow back accounts I have a genuine interest in. It serves no one positively (other than give them a number addition) if I follow for the sake of it. Its not that they write rubbish or anything, its just that I don’t connect with them. Not their fault. You see?

They are not into your Niche – More for my fellow bloggers this one. Again, its nothing to do with you, its just they are not really into make up/travel/parenting/fashion/cooking, or whatever it is you write about. They have no genuine interest in what you write, so again, not a problem as you only want an engaged, interested audience surely?

They see you as a threat in some way – This one probably saddens me the most, and Im sure you can see, this reason is definitely not about you, its about them and their insecurities. Im confident most of us have encountered when we were young/school age, that look up and down from someone when we encounter them for the first time. Or that feeling that someone dislikes you when they first meet you. You have only just met so they cant have formed an opinion of you, yet their whole body language and manner is negative. That is 100% about them, and you should kill these people with kindness. Trust me, its these people that are usually hurting inside the most, so need our love and kindness the most. Throw a big smile at them, try to get them to engage with you, show genuine (dont be insincere, thats just patronising) interest in them etc. Again, even on social media or on your blogs, we all have those people that you KNOW read your stuff or see your photos, but never comment, interact or like anything. They just cant find it in themselves to support you. Its the perceived threat that they dislike, not you personally. In some ways, you must be doing something fabulously right if this is the reaction you get, so keep going! When I first opened my spa 6 years ago, a dear friend sent me this quote, and I use it to remind myself to NEVER be one of those people. I will always try to support something I think is good, or compliment someone I think looks nice etc. I like to see people achieve, and if they have worked hard, they deserve it! 

Some People don’t want more Friends – This one is a strange one for me, but I know it to be true as otherwise, there would be no such thing as cliques. With these cliques, they often don’t really welcome new comers, because they are in their comfort zone in their clique. We all saw it at school/college, maybe in the workplace, maybe even again, on social media. Their coldness towards you is not about you, its about them not wanting what they see as their comfort blanket disrupted. They like how things are, they don’t like change, they don’t want anyone potentially “taking their friends from them” Its their insecurities acting, not their opinion or impression of you.

Soul work is a journey, and can be unforgiving

So to summarise this random and rambling post, (my brain just doing its usual musings as ever)  I could probably go on and on about all the different reasons that you are not someones cup of tea, (and why thats ok) but I think by now I have made the point I was hoping to make? You are not going to get on with everyone, thats just life, just wish them well and move on. However, that shitty feeling you feel when you feel like someone has dismissed you, dosent like you, dosent support you, makes you feel inferior or not good enough etc, its not about you. You don’t need to, nor should you, feel bad. If you do find that you get these feelings of doubt, then the best advice I can give you, (and that I give my sons) is work on you. Work on understanding your worth so someone cant make you feel inferior. Take that power away from them. Work on knowing that you are unique, and fabulous, and definitely good enough. Work on being the person that makes others feel good and leaves them better than you found them. Be the person that is kind. Soul work is a journey, and can be unforgiving when working out why other peoples opinion of you matter to you, but I promise you the final destination, when you have it sussed, is a beauty!

What are your thoughts on this? Do you agree? Disagree? Lets chat, as ever, the kettle is on!

 

 

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32 Comments

  1. November 5, 2017 / 10:46 am

    This is so true and so important to remember – it’s so easy to become disheartened but it’s true a lot of the time it’s not about you (especially not on a personal level). I have to admit that sometimes I forget this and find myself upset but overcoming that need to be liked by everyone is so important – we’re all so different it’s not natural that we would all get on. Love this post Kerry xxx

    • kerrylifeandloves
      November 5, 2017 / 12:26 pm

      Im so glad you enjoyed it Grace. I am also guilty of wanting to be liked by people, but the key is, unless you have done something to cause someone to have a negative view of you, then you know its about them. Its incredibly freeing when this all clicks. Thank you for reading xxxx

  2. Karen
    November 5, 2017 / 11:45 am

    Lovely words Kerry, lovely article, and so true x

    • kerrylifeandloves
      November 5, 2017 / 12:34 pm

      Thank you for reading Karen, and Im so glad you enjoyed it xx

  3. highstreetbeauty11
    November 5, 2017 / 5:15 pm

    Yes, I totally agree and I give this sort of thing a lot of thought both online and in real life. Another fab post, Kerry xxxx

    • kerrylifeandloves
      November 5, 2017 / 11:04 pm

      Thank you so much my lovely xx. Im so pleased you enjoyed it. You are always my cup of tea xxxx

  4. Louise
    November 5, 2017 / 7:43 pm

    This is something I have always and no doubt continue to struggle with…wanting to be accepted…but the older and wiser I get I start to realise what really matters and not being accepted just means they don’t actually deserve me in their life and not the other way round! Thanks for the reminder! Great post Kerry xx p.s. I’m just pleased I understand a bit more about blogging now and look forward to your future blogs….oh and my Christmas list has just been extended with all the lovely blogs on make-up lol!

    • kerrylifeandloves
      November 5, 2017 / 11:03 pm

      Oh Louise, I think its human nature to crave acceptance, but I think you learn that acceptance has to start with you accepting and embracing yourself first. I am over the moon if this post reminds you that people are lucky to have you in their life xx. I am also (guilty) of being over the moon that you have seen some make up items you fancy! You know there is nothing more I love than make up talk xxxx. thank you so much for reading, and taking the time to comment xxxx

  5. November 6, 2017 / 1:11 pm

    I am absolutely loving these posts Kerry and I absolutely agree with you. I definitely think it’s something that makes much more sense the older you get and I often think back to the things I used to worry about when I was younger and they were very much whether people liked me or what they thought of me. That’s not the case anymore and social media has definitely helped (in a roundabout way) to hammer that thought home. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this xxxx

    • kerrylifeandloves
      November 6, 2017 / 2:58 pm

      Oh I am so pleased you like these posts Katherine. I really enjoy writing them. It lets all the randomness in my head seep out haha! Im glad you agree, and I do think it comes with age a little too, and I am so pleased that you dont let trivial things worry you. High five to that one! Thank you for reading xxxxx

  6. November 6, 2017 / 9:22 pm

    The idea of people feeling threatened by your potential success is all too real – creates a lot of negativity that is unfortunately very contagious! I absolutely adore this series and love the concept of a cuppa and chat, definitely something I love doing myself in real life. xx

    • kerrylifeandloves
      November 6, 2017 / 9:53 pm

      Im so glad you are enjoying the series. Its a thing in my house, me and my friends seem to congregate around the kitchen table, a pot of tea is put in the middle and we put the world too rights.I remember doing the same at my nans, and my mums. Its our thing xx Sadly, I think its insecurities of their own perceived success that makes them fearful dont you. Thank you for reading my lovely xx

  7. November 7, 2017 / 5:51 pm

    Perfectly worded! I can’t tell you how lovely it is to have found an online friend who is EXACTLY my cup of tea! You are so lovely Kerry and anyone who counts you as a friend is super lucky 💖
    http://www.gracefulblog.com

    • kerrylifeandloves
      November 7, 2017 / 9:47 pm

      Awwwww Grace! What a lovely thing to say, you have made me blush! Gawd…. 🙂 Im so glad Im your cup of tea, and you are very much my cup of Earl Grey my lovely xxx. Thank you for reading xx

    • kerrylifeandloves
      November 8, 2017 / 9:38 pm

      Im so glad you feel it was useful xx. I think we all seek acceptance dont we, its crazy. Thank you for reading xx

  8. November 8, 2017 / 8:50 am

    I think I’ve always been a bit different – the only girl into horses in my class, the only English member of a German project team in a previous job – the only person at work with a guide dog! I never really wanted to blend into the crowd, because being different can make you interesting or at least memorable. I was part of the “in crowd” once, but when things got tough, I didn’t see those people for dust, and it was the normal, kind people who were there for me. I think that’s when I learned that popularity is a fickle thing, and it’s easy to lose. So it’s better to make some genuine connections than try to please everyone! Also, if you have strong opinions and will stand up for what you believe, you definitely aren’t going to be everyone’s cup of tea 🙂

    • kerrylifeandloves
      November 8, 2017 / 9:41 pm

      Kirsty Im sorry that you had to learn the tough lessons, but I love that you learnt from them and they helped you grow as a person. No experience is ever wasted if we learn is it. Good on you for having such a strong strength of character xxx

  9. November 8, 2017 / 11:04 am

    That’s a really great insight. I can sometimes feel that drive for validation and more followers in myself, but I also realise that my writing is in a pretty cosy niche, so just having a few followers is nice 😊.

    • kerrylifeandloves
      November 8, 2017 / 9:43 pm

      Thank you Niall. Yes you sit in quite a nice position in the blogging world I imagine, and I always enjoy your work. I always learn something, and I love words so its interesting. Thank you for reading

  10. November 8, 2017 / 11:10 am

    WOW I so needed this reminder this morning as having some negative thoughts. You are right not everyone gets everyone and that is okay. My energy should be focused on people that get me and want to spend time with me not the others. Respect is what I offer everyone but not necessary my time and energy. thank you

    • kerrylifeandloves
      November 8, 2017 / 9:50 pm

      Ohhh Im sorry that you had a negative start to the day, but LOVE that you have turned that around. You are so right, love the people that love you back xx. Thanks for reading xx

  11. November 8, 2017 / 1:04 pm

    Gosh this is so relatable to me right now! I’ve cut a few people out my life recently because no matter what, I know we’re not going to be friends, I have no idea why they don’t like me but I’ve just accepted it. It’s better to surround myself with people who actually support me and want to be there for me! Such a great read lovely! Clare xx | http://www.clayaa.com

    • kerrylifeandloves
      November 8, 2017 / 9:59 pm

      Thank you so much for reading Clayaa, and Im so glad you enjoyed it. I totally agree with you about distances yourself from something that dosent impact positivley on you. Acceptance, wishing them well and moving on is the best thing you can do, well done you xxx

  12. November 8, 2017 / 2:07 pm

    I sound like a broken record but blogging isn’t a zero sum game- if someone has seen your blog and isn’t following you, there’s a reason. If someone is reading my blog, that doesn’t mean that they can’t read yours! And really at the end of the day, nothing happens if your blog has low views. Great post, thanks for sharing!

    • kerrylifeandloves
      November 8, 2017 / 9:55 pm

      Hi, thank you for stopping by! Yes your right, not everything is for everybody is it. As the saying says, Your people will find you. x

  13. November 8, 2017 / 2:44 pm

    This is such a beautiful post and so true. A very true reminder.
    Its soo easy to feel upset when you aren’t liked back even though you did nothing wrong. And its okay to not win everyone’s approval.

    • kerrylifeandloves
      November 8, 2017 / 10:04 pm

      Hi, thank you so much for reading, and I am so glad you enjoyed my post. I think as humans, we look for and seek acceptance. Its part of us, but once we accept ourselves, fully and completely, that need for acceptance lessens. Thank you for your comment x

  14. November 8, 2017 / 6:35 pm

    This is such an important post. As weird as it sounds, I really needed this. Being the extremely sensitive person I am, I take everything personally. This is trusty an amazing post and is written beautifully. Thank you and well done. Xx

    • kerrylifeandloves
      November 8, 2017 / 10:09 pm

      ohhh you have just made me emotional with this comment. If it helps you even a teeny tiny bit to remember that your are lovely, you are worthy, then I am an incredibly happy woman. The trouble with us sensitive people, is that we feel everything so deeply xx. Thank you so much for reading and for your comment xxx

  15. November 8, 2017 / 9:36 pm

    Well you’re definitely my cup of tea! And I love tea!
    I think everybody has that need to be liked, to make people happy etc. But what we have to remember is that for whatever reason we don’t like/enjoy everything and everyone, that doesn’t mean we hate them, it just means there isn’t that spark.
    Thanks for another thought provoking ramble!

    • kerrylifeandloves
      November 8, 2017 / 10:15 pm

      Ahhhh Gemma, you are my cup of tea too! Yes that is a great way of thinking of it, there just isnt that spark! Thank you for reading, and having a cuppa with me! xxx

I love reading your comments x