If We Were Having Coffee…

If We Were Having Coffee…

I decided I would write one of these posts, inspired by my gorgeous friend and fellow blogger, Janelle from The Nelly bean. You must check her out, she is amazing. I also did an Instagram post with the same title, so I thought Id make it a post. If we were having coffee is a chatty post, that maybe fills in some blanks for you on my life x

If we were having coffee…

Id tell you that mine is a weak one or an iced one. I don’t like strong coffee, my brain is hyper enough as it is!

Id tell you that I am happy. I choose to be happy. As happy as we can be given what life throws at us. Its all good.

Id tell you that although I am happy, I have had to work through one hell of a lot of shit to get here. Id let you know that I have had some really, really dark times, but survived them. You can too.

I would mention that if I could have one day, with one person no longer with me, it would be my Nan Rose. Id want to hear her low, quiet laugh and call me a cheeky bleeder. Id want to see her look at me with total love like she always did and tell me “you’ve put on weight gew (girl but in her strong London accent) Id want to know that she was happy, and her mind was clear, and that she could do the things that made her happy again. Id want to know she was still dancing with my Granddad in a kitchen somewhere.

Id reveal to you that I am gripped by fear when my boys go out, and go further afield now they are older and spreading their wings. Im happy that they are confident and keen to experience life, but I want to hold them in the safety of my hugs for ever.

I would tell you a funny story or two to see your eyes sparkle with laughter. Laughter is so good for the soul and feeds both yours and mine. Lets laugh until our faces hurt.

Id explain to you that I am a very tough cookie, I have had to be, but I have never let my heart harden and am far to soft for my own good, although hide it well. I don’t suffer fools, I don’t choose to be around people that are negative or self obsessed, but I wish them all well. I feel everything deeply, and love and hate that about myself in equal measure.

I would tell you that my favourite book I have read this year is Eleanor Oliphant is completely fine.

Books Iv read this month

As the coffee cooled I would try to help you understand that sometimes, the way people perceive me is not the way I am. I come across strong, confident, but also at times aloof, guarded. This is something that I am still working on. I would explain that if I ever feel threatened emotionally, I pull back and put my defences up as I have to protect my heart. My tough, hard exterior is sometimes hiding the fragility of my heart inside. My aloofness can actually be my extreme shyness and lack of self confidence rearing its head. I would ask you to please see through this and try to see the person underneath.

We would share a few details about ourselves to each other. My favourite colour is blue. Im currently obsessed with the programme 24 Hours In Police Custody, my style icon is young Elizabeth Taylor, and I would love to meet Keith Lemmon.

Id tell you that finally, at aged 45, I know myself fully. I know that I can still surprise myself in what I can achieve. I know that I am more than what people think I am. I know that I love fiercely. Im told that I am a hilariously funny fecker if you get me started and we will always have fun. I know that my heart is full to bursting with the love I have for my family. I know that if I am your friend, you get me lock, stock and barrel.

We would share over coffee the hopes and dreams that I have to travel to as many places as possible. Id ask you to recommend me some to add to our list. I would explain that I feel a deep, unquenchable thirst for adventure as I have been made so aware how short life is. I want to create as many memories as possible.

travel everywhere

I would tell you the ice that runs through me when I see my husband look at our sons and I see his eyes well up. I would explain that I know what he is thinking. I know the fear he has. I know the need he has to drink in every detail of those precious boys. I know cancer has changed him.

As our coffee cup began to empty, I would explain to you that alcoholism diminishes and changes good people, and it’s hard to watch. I would try to help you understand the anger that it brings about in the people that love an alcoholic. The helplessness. The frustration. The sheer panic when you see what they are doing to themselves, and their family. I would clarify that despite this, you still love them and hope for better days. Id also explain that you have to pull back for self preservation and create a little distance. It’s all consuming and pulls you under otherwise. You never stop loving them, and secretly pleading that they will find the strength to become them again.

I would ask me to tell me your hopes for your future. Id want you to tell me what your plans are. Id want to hang on your every word as you tell me how your going to make sure you are always as happy as possible.

If we were having coffee

I would let you know that most days I feel hopeful, some days I feel helpless.

Id try to help you understand that it is people and experiences that round our lives, that sew more threads into our tapestry, not things.

I would reach across the table, grab your hands in mine and tell you that you should never, ever let anyone else be in charge of your happiness. Always act with kindness and don’t let anyone dull your sparkle.

As the dregs of our coffee finished, I would let you know that I appreciate you. I thank you for having coffee with me, and giving me the gift of your time.

 

Thats it. Our coffee date is over. What about you? What one thing would you tell me if we were having coffee? Let me know in the comments. Id love to know!

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27 Comments

  1. July 17, 2018 / 6:58 am

    Thank you so much for sharing so much of you to all of us. I can imagine that some parts weren’t easy to write. It really was a very personal post and a brave thing to do.
    What would I tell you?
    Maybe I would tell you of the time when I once broke down in the car with the boys when I had no money to buy any food and I had to raid their savings account so we could eat. My then husband was in Switzerland where he had his own business. It wasn’t doing well and we had no income from him coming in. The mortgage and other bills couldn’t be paid. My measly monthly wage of a few hundred pounds as a TA didn’t go far. There were so many people on my back asking for money and my husband didn’t return my frantic calls. Having no money and huge debts is a horrible, horrible place to be in.
    But we survived and were able to dig ourselves out of the hole. Eventually it was money issues that ended our marriage. We parted as friends and still remain so.
    I have thought about writing a post about those times but my ex could well read it and I really wouldn’t want to upset him. At least I can safely share here. xxx

    • July 19, 2018 / 9:25 am

      Well what amazing strength of character you have, that can not have been an easy time. I think it’s hard to disclose the inner workings of ourselves to people other than our nearest and dearest. For some reason, the desire to write this post was strong, so I did! Thank you for reading, sharing a piece of you during our coffee date, and cementing what I knew already, your amazing xxxx

  2. July 17, 2018 / 8:41 am

    Oh my God, Kerry this is the most heart warming “If we were having coffee” post I ever read. I love that you let us get inside of your mind and soul, I got to understand and get to know you better.

    P.S. I also can’t handle strong coffee, I always go for mild one because I’m also hyper person, strong coffee would destroy me haha. xx

    • July 19, 2018 / 9:27 am

      Ahhh thank you so much, it was a weird one to write as I tend to keep myself pretty private, but I felt the urge to share. It feels nice to connect more with you all xxxxx Strong coffee is not good for us hyper people haha!

  3. July 17, 2018 / 10:46 am

    Ive loved reading this, I feel like I’ve gotten to know you better over an imaginary cup of coffee, such a great post idea x

    • kerrylifeandloves
      Author
      August 15, 2018 / 9:44 am

      Thank you so much. Im so glad you understand a little more about me. I can be a secretive soul, so it felt good to reveal a little more of me xx Thanks for reading xx

  4. July 17, 2018 / 7:34 pm

    Wow that took courage to rite, particularly as I know you find it harder to share about yourself. I can definitely relate to some of the things too like people not seeing the real person at first glance. You clearly love your family and that’s wonderful how you write about them. I’d love to meet you and some of the other blogging pals who don’t live too far away some day and have that real coffee – mine would be big and strong with no milk or sugar! XX

    • July 19, 2018 / 9:29 am

      Oh Kirsty, I know you get how hard this was to write. I’m not sure why I felt the need to share it, but it feels nice to connect that littlebit deeper. We should do make this get together happen! I reckon with some planning we could make it work! I’d love to meet up xxxx

  5. July 18, 2018 / 5:19 am

    Aww, this was a fun read. I would tell you that being over 40 is the best time of my life. You feel more love and confident about yourself. 🤗

    • July 19, 2018 / 9:31 am

      Ohhhhh I am SO with you on this one! I dreaded turning 40, but feel like life makes sense all of a sudden. I know me fully. Does that make sense? The forties club is s good one! Thanks for reading lovely xxx

  6. July 18, 2018 / 12:18 pm

    What a lovely post! I would absolutely love having a coffee with you! There are many things to talk about and it all depends on what direction the conversation heads to.. but I’d probably talk about how I’ve stopped listening to negative people and started at least trying to focus on the good things in life. Because there are so many bad things happening today that if you focus too much on that, you can’t go on living. And how I’m over emotional, to the point that I can’t sing certain songs because they make me cry. Too bad because I’d love to sing “Dear old Skibbereen” at the music sessions.

    • July 19, 2018 / 9:35 am

      Ohhh and I would love coffee with you. I know we would talk for hours! I couldn’t agree more about focusing on the positive. Yep, crappy things happen in life but we have to try hard to find the light. A positive mind makes for a happier life dosent it! Thank you for reading, and sharing. Personally, I love emotional people, they are always interesting characters. Xxx

  7. July 18, 2018 / 10:06 pm

    Well. I’m just looking forward to us having a coffee! I already know that you’re someone I would love to have coffee with!
    Laurie xx

    • July 19, 2018 / 9:37 am

      Me too! I’d love a coffee date with you, we need to make it happen. We would be talking fir hours I just know it! Thanks for reading lovely lady xxxx

  8. July 19, 2018 / 5:48 pm

    Even getting a bunch of us together online on Skype or something would be a start – put some faces and voices to the names! But yes a real-life meetup would be fun too XX

    • July 21, 2018 / 12:04 am

      I think we should make it happen! Let me get home from holiday and maybe we can get the wheels in motion xx

  9. Natasha
    July 20, 2018 / 11:17 am

    A lovely post – I would tell you that it was lovely finally meeting you – but like you I am ‘My tough, hard exterior is sometimes hiding the fragility of my heart inside’ but I am not ready for any meetup as struggling with my illness/condition. Have a lovely weekend !

    • kerrylifeandloves
      Author
      July 24, 2018 / 8:40 am

      Well then we will put that meet up firmly on the “to do” list. Our coffee together has no time limit xxxx It’s difficult sometimes to let people inside out minds isn’t it. I see it as a little bit of therapy to allow myself to be vulnerable occasionally. You, and I, will get there xxxxx

  10. ladygogo84
    July 22, 2018 / 12:55 am

    Such a lovely blog, I’d love to have coffee with you one day 😊. I’d tell you; that a trip to Rome is good for the stomach, to New York is good for the brain and to Australia is good for the soul. X

    • kerrylifeandloves
      Author
      July 24, 2018 / 8:43 am

      Thank you so much! I’d love to share a coffee with you too xxx. Ohhh Rome, very much on my wish list. I will pick your brains on that one if you don’t mind xx New York stole my heart a few years ago, I love it, and Sydney….my home from home, I lived there for a while. You made great recommendations, thank you! Xxx

  11. July 22, 2018 / 10:13 am

    This is such a wonderful post, a lovely first read of your blog (just stumbled upon it and love it so far!). Such an honest post!

    (I’d say, I take my coffee hot and strong and with a slice of cake if I’m being cheeky!) x

    • kerrylifeandloves
      Author
      July 24, 2018 / 8:48 am

      Well Alex, you are my kind of coffee date, you involved cake! I’m so glad that you found me, and thank you so much for your compliment xxx I hope you enjoy getting to know the blog, I will pop over to yours for a read xxx

  12. July 23, 2018 / 7:24 pm

    Oh Kerry, this is so beautiful – I welled up reading it! That paragraph about the way your husband looks at your sons and the bit at the end about never letting anyone else be in charge of your happiness. Just so beautifully written, and I know how raw it is for you to share some things you’ve shared in this post too. You keep being you, the world needs so much more of it. So proud of how far you’ve come to be able to keep up such a positive outlook on things. Massive hugs xxx

    • kerrylifeandloves
      Author
      July 24, 2018 / 8:51 am

      Ohhhh you. You are one of life’s precious people, remember that xxx Thank you for reading, and thank you for inspiring me to write it. It pushed me out of my comfort zone a little, and that’s a good thing eh! Hugs back at ya lovely lady xxx

  13. August 14, 2018 / 8:57 pm

    What a fabulous post – that is a pretty courageous thing to write and a wonderful read. BTW Eleanor Oliphant is a fantastic superhero – I love that book, it is also very true of Glasgow and the people up here (I am not a Glaswegian originally), she comes good in the end and deserves a happy ending, it really is a brilliant read

    • kerrylifeandloves
      Author
      August 14, 2018 / 9:02 pm

      Juliet, thank you so much for your kind words. Im so glad you enjoyed it. Ohhh Yes, Eleanor. I honestly felt like I was saying goodbye to a friend when I finished it. It left a lasting impression on me. The healing that simple kindness can bring. I adored her. Thank you so much for stopping by x

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